38 days left of summer.
Today the 4 boys of mine have been high on imagination, running around as superheros, chasing and running from monsters who are "traveling up the planet core," fighting, biting, hitting, hugging, and giggling.
It's only 11 A.M.
I put on Mozart to balance out the sensory input to my anxious heart. It's kind of working. Crescendos kind of covering roars and crashes. Or more realistically, Mozart provides the soundtrack and in turn ends up actually playing a fifth character in their Monster game.
Right now there's no fighting. I am surfing, listening, writing, thinking, praying...
Last week we ended up at the swimming pool. A set of grandparents were in town and they had the older 2 boys take turns spending the night at their hotel, getting one-on-one attention. We filled out days otherwise with walks around the college campus, eating at food trucks, splashing in the splash pad, grilling out. It sounds like a romantic summer. I'm not sure all of our spirits were synced in that way.
I read recently in Deuteronomy that because Israel "did not serve the LORD your God with joyfulness and gladness of heart" they would serve their enemies. (28:47). I'm going to apply this out of context to myself - joy is elusive for me. Perhaps this is due to my misunderstanding of what biblical joy is. I search for joy that is timeless and three dimensional both in the future, present and past. I pray for the spirit to provide me with this fruit, a daily manna and mercy. And yet I'm not sure I accept the gift or realize it's even there before me. Lewis describes his salvation and the presence of the LORD as joy. In my mind I understand this as being a slave to Christ and not to sin and the inner freedom this actually produces. Is that joy? Do I serve the LORD with joyfulness and gladness of heart? Do you? What does that look like in my life as a wife, mother, friend?
Now they snap me back to tiger mews. I must feed the animals in my zoo.
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